When my phone flashed a message from the detective, I started to sweat: I knew I was going to learn what’s going on with my rape case (catch up here).
I love and hate to take the detective’s calls, especially today. I’ve never been this happy and this angry at the same time. The state of Illinois finally processed and ran the DNA they took from my body—ten and a half months after I was sexually assaulted in my home.
They found the perpetrator in their database. They know who it is.
And the guy already had a rap sheet a mile and a half long when he attacked me.
Turns out I’m another statistic resulting from Chicago’s infamous Cook County State’s Attorney #KimFoxx and her reluctance to put repeat offenders in the time-out box. (She’s so ineffectual that all of the local police unions simultaneously slapped her with a “no confidence.”)
By contrast, look at what happened to Jim Goad — the friend who helped me through the assault’s immediate aftermath. Who held my paw and defended me when liars lied about me. Who gave me a place to stay when I needed to get away from the place in Chicago where I was attacked, fearing for my life, and my scumbag landlord in LA was dragging his heels.
Jim infamously did hard prison time years ago for finally slugging an abusive, violent girlfriend in Portland, Oregon. The girl had credibly threatened to kill him.
What a misogynist!
The guy who attacked me in Chicago, on the other hand, didn’t know me from Eve; I was just a random white girl to rape (he’s black).
My attacker had a long history of home invasions and burglaries, but he was still on the street—free to grab me from behind and softly murmur “I’m not going to kill you. I’m just going to fuck you and leave.” Somehow this did not reassure me regarding my longevity.
I’ve been complaining about the cops throughout the aftermath, but I was also watching the news as the Smollett situation went down. Looking deeper into what the CPD is facing, and looking past my emotional reaction, the situation is more complicated. The head cop on the scene in my case might have been a bit lazy, but compared to the state’s attorney, they seem to be doing what they can with the hand she constantly deals them.
They did their job. They’ve caught this guy over and over and over. What was Kim Foxx waiting for? For him to rape or kill someone?
Apparently she’s still waiting for “kill”: although he attacked me at the beginning of September 2018, he was still committing crimes through the Chicago PD’s catch-and-release program in May.
Yep! It’s frustrating enough that this serial criminal was on the street when he broke into my apartment and gifted me with another layer of PTSD. But then nine months after he raped me, they caught him committing another crime and let him go, because they still hadn’t run the DNA and didn’t know he was a rapist.
They actually had the man who broke into my house and attacked me in custody, and they fucking let him go, because Chicago was too busy spending money on Foxx friend #JussieSmollett’s hate crime hoax to do simple lab work on actual crimes.
My attacker is on the street right now. I hope to god they do the right thing this time.
Nobody wants all black males to go to jail, but Kim Foxx acts like that’s the case. No. Victims like myself want the INDIVIDUAL who made us think we were about to die to be thrown behind bars. What satisfaction would I get from seeing random black men in jail?
Yes, I fucking want revenge—on THAT GUY. I want him in there so he can suffer like he made me suffer—but also so he can’t hurt other people. There’s nothing I can do about the fact that more black males in Chicago attack people than do other groups. That’s not my fault. Individual victims deserve justice; fuck your statistics, Foxx, and quit thinking about people as faceless demographics for five minutes so you can do your goddamn job instead of hunting phantom MAGA hat wearers.
Why did Jim, on the other hand, do time while this guy was on the street, raping me? Well, to paraphrase said Jim, he was an unpopular white male in Portland, where, just as in Chicago, local officials with an agenda warp everything the police try to do. The seeds of the local government turning a blind eye to antifa violence were already sown and working their roots into the ground. The mob wanted Jim’s head in the name of getting all the bad white men, regardless of what had occurred in his particular case.
Whereas my rapist-to-be, as he committed his string of warm-up crimes, was a black male in a city where a powerful official was working to put fewer black men in prison, and to hell with whatever crimes they committed. Gotta fix those statistics. Everyone’s equally guilty!
The justice system should be blind. Good luck with that. Decades ago, Chicago’s legal system was slanted against innocent black men. In the early aughts when I was working at the Chicago Reader, I got to fact check some pretty heavy, racially motivated prison-brutality stories. It didn’t help that the ditzy suburban girl who got sent to investigate scribbled all over the official documents with hearts and flowers—I got to spend many hours cleaning up after THAT nonsense—but it was pretty disgusting stuff.
It was old news, however, even then.
Now Chicago has lurched in the direction of letting proven-guilty black men (and quite a few other categories of perp as well, if you listen to the police unions) walk very early in their would-be sentences, if they do time at all. It’s a sort of civic self-recrimination—a morally decent attempt, but a misguided, tribalist, and harmful one. And it’s not the past (or even present) racist officials who suffer that harm.
And it’s certainly not today’s high-ranking local officials who pay the price. Foxx makes a show of growing up in Cabrini-Green, a housing project so bad the city has since torn it down in embarrassment.
But I don’t think her memory is that good. Because now that she’s in charge of what happens to innocent people who still live in shit neighborhoods—where they have to dodge her pet criminals on the regular—she lives in “idyllic” (her word) Flossmoor. There, she gets “a respite from workdays filled with a constant litany of violent behavior and the pain that it brings.”
How nice for her.
Too bad the women who still live in those neighborhoods don’t get a fucking respite. They (we) pay the price that no one in power wants to account for. The cops don’t get a break, either; I wonder what it’s like to arrest an unstable, violent person multiple times and then have to face him on the street the next day? Yes, racism bad. Unrestrained crime and bullshit bad, too.
I hope Foxx has fun explaining why she let Jussie Smollett off the hook; many of her excuses for criminals’ behavior and her reasons for letting them back on the street center on the idea that they had rough early lives.
Smollett has always lived in luxury. So what’s her excuse for his stupid ass? He’s famous and well connected and she wants to stay in good with his connections? That’s not an excuse, it’s a perversion of justice. There are more black women suffering from these predators than white women; but victims aren’t as sexy as criminals, and black victims are shooed away with accusations of being race traitors, so no one gives a shit. Oh yeah, a lot of these cops are black, too, but fuck them for trying to make a living, those dicks.
Jesus. Either we’re hanging innocent black men for nothing in this country, or letting shitty ones do whatever the hell they please, depending on the year. Meanwhile, we throw a good human being with unpopular opinions in prison for defending himself from someone who won’t shut up about her burning desire to kill him—all because some powerful people and stupid mob members still can’t handle thinking about people on a case-by-case basis.
Why can’t officials treat people as individuals? Everybody loves heuristics, but this is ridiculous. When is the pendulum going to settle somewhere reasonable?
I’m sure as hell not waiting for it. When I fled to California, I didn’t realize it would be the best bad, panicked decision I ever made. I just didn’t want to die. But people here are not as tribe-obsessed, in my experience so far, nor are they driven mental by the lack of sunlight. I miss Chicago like an excised tumor.